Gay Parent Magazine Blog

 

 

Would love to send a photo to you of my family…it’s important for the community to see that we have happy and loving homes raising children just as heterosexuals do. My lovely partner Anne spent 14 years in the ARMY where she couldn’t live her life as an openly gay woman. We have come a long way even since then and now we are legally domestic partners in Arizona and have an 11 year old and 2 year old that we adore. We hope that soon we can be legally married. I enjoy your articles and commend you in bringing out the positive aspects of our community and giving us as gay/lesbian parents something to relate too.

– Karen McKnight

Photos courtesy of Karen McKnight

Want your wedding announcement published in Gay Parent magazine? Email us gayparentmag@gmail.com.

By Ali Polizzi

…comes flying out of my 3 year old boy’s mouth this year like a dirty word he must have picked up on the street.  My wife and I joke that we don’t know where he “picks up that kind of language” but the sting for me goes deeper than our fleeting sarcasm reveals.  Of course, it’s directed at me – the bigger, bulkier but-not-so-much-butchier one I guess with the insecurity chip on her shoulders.  Why am I the “Daddy”?  I’m the one who does the dishes.  I’m the one who gets flowers on Valentine’s Day.  It was such a catharsis in my life the day my wife asked me to marry her with a beautiful diamond engagement ring complete with a rainbow of precious stones around the band.  She gave me back something that day I didn’t realize I’d lost – my sexuality – and boy do I fill the part!  I’m the one who wants to stay up all night when we fight if we have to in order to “talk things out.”  I’m the milder disciplinarian. They ask me when they want lollipops for breakfast, and they occasionally get it!  My wife?  She’s the breadwinner.  She makes the big decisions.  It’s Ema who charts the family’s course through this world.  So why does he look up and curiously decide to call me “Daddy”?  She probably wouldn’t mind.  This just goes against the narrative of us that I’d designed.

I’m calm though.  I’m a New York City public high school teacher – I can handle anything!  I ignore it.  I ignore it the second time – the third – the fourth. We call this “Planned ignoring”.  Anyone know how to make God laugh?  The first day I survive.  The second is when I start losing some sleep.  By the third, I’m consulting Facebook lesbian mommies and our MTM group (Modern Tribal Momas) for advice.  Has anybody experienced this before?  Has everybody survived? What are the causes?  What are the cures?  I don’t get too far.  God blessed this lesbian couple quickly ahead of all our friends with not one but two …boys.  Here I am yet again adrift in a sea of uncharted waters.  This is not unlike my whole adolescence!

One night, it dawns on me to explore his reading library that we began back when we had the luxury of such time and idealism in college.  I’m all too quick to pass up “Heather Has Two Mommies” falsely dismissing it due to the stereotypically butchie carpenter mom and feeling averse to bring linked with that association.  My insecurity already steers me away from the other mother’s role of “Doctor”.  I find another title in our diversity collection: “Do I have a Daddy?” and wind up in a pinch reading that to my son.  While his eyes were wide with interest and we read together with wild presence we were both disappointed by that mother ‘s loose retort to her son’s inquiry about why Daddy just left them. The only wisdom that mom had to offer my son and I was that she “didn’t know” but that she loved him and that was all that mattered blah, blah, blah…

It turns out that a mixture of i-g-n-o-r-e, another look at (and nightly ritual read) of “Heather Has Two Mommies”, and some genuine one-on-one chats have thankfully nudged this “Daddy” stage into a phase of the past.  I’m not sure that I went about this the proper way, and there is plenty to be said about the need for some quality children’s literature on this subject, but I can tell you that I am “Mom” again. This was compounded just the other day when a song about moms was being sung on television.  I snuggled up around him and he leaned back against me in such a way that I felt we’d successfully settled the issue, and he’s been waking me up with a special smile and a “Good morning Mom” that is truly the best part of my waking up!  Each time he says the word “Mom” now it seems to be with renewed conviction.  I know the subject will once again arise in our lives and as they get older they’ll demand deeper and deeper explanations of all sorts of issues, but for now I feel pride in the fact that I’ve dealt with our first direct same-sex parenting issue and survived to tell the tale. Thank God I managed to navigate this one with my natural genitals in tacked.  Who knows what could be threatened next time!

Read more of Ali Polizzi through her blog, www.alirothlizzi.blogspot.com/?m=1

Photo courtesy of Ali Polizzi

 

Mark your calendars for the SF premiere of TWO: THE STORY OF ROMAN AND NYRO. TWO is a touching documentary about the lives of twin sons born to acclaimed songwriter Desmond Child (worked with Ricky Martin, Jon Bon Jovi and more) and his lifelong partner Curtis Shaw. The film also features Angela Whittaker, the woman who carried their twin sons, Roman and Nyro. What’s captured is a moving story of family unity, parenthood and love from preconception through the boys’ first 10 years,

 

TWO: THE STORY OF ROMAN AND NYRO will have its San Francisco premiere, as part of the San Francisco Documentary Festival.

Friday June 14 – 7:00 PM            New Parkway

Sunday June 16 – 9:00 PM            Roxie Theater

Monday June 17 – 7:01 PM            Roxie Theater

Parents Desmond Child and Curtis Shaw, and their sons Roman and Nyro, will join Director Heather Winters and attend the screenings on June 16th and June 17th. All will participate in a special post-screening Q&A.

 

Ticket information http://prod3.agileticketing.net/websales/pages/info.aspx?evtinfo=56659~50c99741-ceec-4bfa-94b4-b7d919a3c410&epguid=1b0dd1dc-4f43-40db-87bc-79af44283b8b&

Photos courtesy of David Magdael & Associates, Inc.

 

May 22, 2013 press release from the Williams Institute:

New Williams Institute Study Suggests That Children Of Lesbian Parents Are Happy With Their Relationships With Male Donors And Some Seek To Manage These Relationships In Adolescence

Research suggests that children of lesbian parents are satisfied with their current level of contact with their male donors and do not think of their donors as dads, according to a new Williams Institute study by Abbie E. Goldberg, Williams Institute Visiting Scholar and Associate Professor of Psychology at Clark University, and Katherine R. Allen, Professor of Human Development at Virginia Tech. The study, entitled, Donor, Dad, or…? Young Adults with Lesbian Parents’ Experiences with Known Donors, sheds light on how children raised in lesbian, gay, and bisexual families are contributing to the redefinition and reconstruction of complex kinship arrangements.

Participants in the study perceived their relationships with their male donors in one of three ways: as strictly donors and not members of their family; as extended family members, but not as parents; and as fathers. Participants ranged in age from 19-29, and while most were satisfied with the current level of contact with their male donors, several desired more information or contact with these men, and in some of these cases, had already begun to establish a connection with them.

“This research sheds light on the largely unexplored relationships between the children of lesbian parents and their known donors,” said Goldberg. “The findings suggest that the terrain of chosen families deserves greater attention from researchers, therapists, and other practitioners.”

According to Goldberg and Allen, the tendency for some participants to voice a growing interest in seeing their donors more often than when they were younger indicates a turning point in the participants’ identity that emerges in late adolescence or young adulthood. These individuals may be experiencing greater independence from their mothers, which enables them to craft their own relationships with their donors.

Most of the participants perceived their donors as “just donors,” or as extended family members, and even those who perceived the donors as third parents conceptualized them as tertiary to their primary mothers. According to the study, these participants are drawing upon the traditional heterosexual family lexicon to develop useful and appropriate terms to describe and name their donors, which provides them with the language to clarify the nature of their relationship with their donors.

Among other findings, the study suggests that therapists should allow all family members to define their relationships to one another, and not presume the nature or meaning of terms like “mother” and “father,” especially in the context of lesbian-mother families that utilized known donors. Further, the study also suggests that therapists should be sensitive to the possibility that young adulthood may represent an important time for further identity exploration, especially in terms of relationship formation, and that young adults with lesbian mothers may express particular interest in their known donors during this period.

Click here for the full study http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/research/parenting/goldberg-allen-fp-may-2013/.

The Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Law and Public Policy advances law and public policy through rigorous, independent research and scholarship, and disseminates its work through a variety of education programs and media to judges, legislators, lawyers, other policy makers, and the public.   A national think tank at UCLA Law, the Williams Institute produces high quality research with real-world relevance.  For more information go to: http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/

Photo courtesy of Family Equality Council

By Angeline Acain

On a beautiful sunny spring day in New York City, the First International Family Equality Day was held, May 6, 2012. This day brought together LGBT families and their children from across North America and Europe for the first time to celebrate the millions of families with parents who are LGBT. Events were held in Los Angeles, Minneapolis, New Hampshire, New Mexico, Canada, South Africa, Finland, Germany, and Switzerland. Festivities in New York City included a group photo shoot in Times Square – participants were given pinwheels to hold – followed by a press conference, luncheon, crafts, and family dance at NYC’s LGBT Community Center. The event was organized by the Family Equality Council (FEC), R Family Cruises, and Center Families in partnership with LGBT parent support groups outside of the USA. FEC executive director, Jennifer Chrisler, led the press conference introducing speakers, George Fesser, director of Center Families, Ella Robinson, daughter of Bishop Gene Robinson, actor Denis O’Hare, and comedian Judy Gold. Kelli Carpenter, owner of R Family Cruises, O’Hare’s husband Hugo Redwood and Ron Poole-Dayan of Men Having Babies were also in attendance. For more information about the International Family Equality Day visit www.familyequality.org/get_involved/events/annual_events/international_family_equality_day/.

Here’s a short video of the photo shoot. View the photo here www.gayparentmag.com/1st-intl-family-equality-day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Videos links from the ceremony at the LGBT Community Center following the photo shoot:

Jennifer Chrisler introduces actor and gay dad Denis O’Hare.

http://youtu.be/lF_QEYHw5TY

Ella Robinson, co-chair of the Outspoken Generation, and daughter of Bishop Gene Robinson speaks next.

http://youtu.be/Aimk8GzGKU0

Comedian and lesbian mom Judy Gold is the final speaker.

http://youtu.be/NrIz_iwdfsQ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright Gay Parent magazine

 

Curve, the best selling magazine for lesbians, featured an interview with Angeline Acain in their April 2013 issue. Victoria Brownworth chatted with Acain about her work with Gay Parent magazine and her life as a mother.

By Beverly Prince-Sayward

 

Instant videos streaming over the internet, Facebook status updates, Twitter tweets, cameras on cellphones, and instantly connecting with anyone anywhere all over the world have created a new social structure.  Society is no longer just who lives next door.  What does this mean for those who formerly found themselves on the outskirts of society?  Is the world more accepting of differences now because of this?

For one lesbian couple in West Hollywood, California, the internet, and more specifically Facebook, has given them a sense of acceptance and community they never imagined possible.  Andrea and Carissa Levine were originally east coast girls; Carissa grew up in the Boston area while Andrea laments to growing up “the only Jewish girl” in a small town in Pennsylvania.  While Carissa had more exposure to differences and in general a more accepting atmosphere growing up, Andrea felt like the leper amidst germ-a-phobes.  This feeling of being different and the outsider in her community never quite left Andrea until the internet.

Identifying as a bisexual woman, Andrea met Carissa while working in Boston.  She felt an immediate attraction and having spent the majority of her life thus far dating men, she decided it would be a great time to have a summer fling with a woman.  Little did she realize at the time that summer fling would turn into the love of her life.  When she updated her Facebook status to indicate her new love, she hesitated out of fear of how people would accept it.  To her surprise, her friends, even those ones from small town Pennsylvania, expressed happiness for her.

When the relationship started to become serious and Andrea realized she was truly in love with Carissa, she panicked.  Her memories of growing up the outsider, “the only Jewish girl” in her small town, still created fear in her.  She knew she wanted to be a mother more than anything else in the world and would she feel comfortable bringing a child into a gay family, knowing that child might be ostracized as different?  Her fears brought her to break up with Andrea and only after much soul searching and a little therapy did she realize her fears stemmed from her own childhood and do not reflect the reality of what her potential child would face.

So she went back to an understanding Carissa and the relationship bloomed.  In March of 2011, Andrea and Carissa had a full blown wedding weekend in Palm Springs, California with friends and family.  They both had decided to move to West Hollywood as there were both job opportunities for them in the area and they figured it might be a more comfortable place for a lesbian couple to raise a family.

Just like the relationship status update in Facebook years earlier, Andrea was happily surprised to find well-wishers congratulating her on her marriage.  She was openly gay on-line and people completely supported her!  Unlike her childhood of having her head jokingly checked for horns one time by an unthoughtful teacher after returning from taking days off for a Jewish holiday, people didn’t treat her like she was weird, wrong, or different.  According to Andrea, “Facebook provided me with a lot of support that I didn’t count on.  It really was a big part of my healing process to realize that the world was changing and society is ready for gay marriages.”

So then, when the big news of having a child was to be shared, Andrea and Carissa decided to go online again and created a video titled “Magic”.  They shared their video on Vimeo (http://vimeo.com/49765315) and Facebook.  Six thousand people watched their video and not only supported them, but shared sentiments of how lucky any baby would be to be born to two such creative, loving women!  They were overjoyed to realize that so many people were on their side.

When asked if she feared bringing a child into a gay family anymore, Andrea confessed that maybe not all her fears are completely gone, but she definitely feels like her child is being born into a more accepting world and one that is ready to embrace gay families.  She feels that “gay topics are coming out everywhere and pushing the envelope of acceptance.”  She admits that becoming a parent is pushing her to be more active in the gay community and showing her how much she wants her child to be exposed to the variety of families in the world.  “We’re not a LESBIAN couple with a child, even though we are of course. But we’re really just like any couple or person having a child. We all have more in common than we think. We’re parents who love our kids.”

So has the internet changed our world?  Has it opened the doors to more acceptance for gay families?  For Andrea and Carissa Levine, it most definitely has made them feel more accepted.

 

 

 

Photos by Katie Robertson

Copyright Gay Parent magazine

 

We were married May 3, 2008 in Boston. We have a 2 year old little boy, Jayce, and daughter on the way!

– Lisa Colandrea

 

Photos courtesy of Lisa Colandrea

Want your wedding announcement published in Gay Parent magazine? Email us gayparentmag@gmail.com.

 

“My wife and I were Married in Indianapolis, Indiana on August 11, 2012. We were blessed to have all our family and friends there to celebrate the most wonderful day of our lives. We have been together 8 years and are planning our family for the very near future.”

– Billie Carder

 

Photo courtesy of Billie Carder

Want your wedding announcement published in Gay Parent magazine? Email us gayparentmag@gmail.com.

 

On December 14, 2012, Carol, 44, and Lisa, 47, Claiborne were married in Northampton, Massachusetts. They had an intimate ceremony of a dozen people that included the couple’s children. Their oldest son Kalan Poole was their officiant.

The following are comments from Carol about their romance and wedding:

We met on Facebook of all places (LOL). I don’t know how Lisa found me but I’m happy she did. We met this summer in June and were married December 14^th – it was a whirlwind! Lisa currently lives in Florida and I live here in Massachusetts. We will be moving to Maryland this summer. Lisa has a 22-year-old daughter who is the apple of her eye; I have four kids and am also raising my grandson who is 13.

I was born and raised in Oakland, California and have lived here in Massachusetts for nearly 5 years. Lisa was born and raised in Florida, a state that does not recognize same sex marriage. We couldn’t afford a honeymoon but we wanted to celebrate our love with family and a few friends.

I wanted an intimate celebration and we were married at The Hotel Northampton in Northampton, Massachusetts – it was so beautiful there. We had lunch and a ceremony all at once. My children were present and we included a sand ceremony that incorporated both of our children and Lisa as one family unit. That was really special to me. We also wrote our own vows, which was very emotional.

Lisa is truly my best friend and she gives me the strength that I need. I know with her my life is now complete. It was important for us to walk down the street in Northampton to hold hands and to carry a rainbow flag, I felt liberated holding my wife’s hand because I knew when she returned back to Florida she would not be able to express her love so freely. I feel blessed and honored to be legally married in Massachusetts and I wish ALL STATES would have marriage equality for EVERYONE. Thank you for the honor to be featured in your magazine. To my kids, have Lisa and the freedom to marry her, is a dream come true.

Photos courtesy of Carol Claiborne

 

Want your wedding announcement published in Gay Parent magazine? Email us gayparentmag@gmail.com.