Gay Parent Magazine Blog

By Ben Suazo

 

Isn’t it fitting that on a day that we celebrate Dr. King’s life that for a second time we are inaugurating an African-American president in Washington, D.C.?  On this historic morning my husband and I were woken up to the loud sounds of pots and pans in the kitchen.  Our son who recently learned how to make eggs on the stove was proudly making us breakfast.  “It’s an egg-nauguration day breakfast,” he proclaimed.  We are always dumbfounded on how he manages to make such perfect eggs. They’re always the right consistency, not too soggy and not too dry.  I think his secret is in his stirring technique.  He never seems to move away from the pan while constantly stirring the eggs as they cook.

With our stomachs full and satisfied we all sat down in front of the television to hear our President Obama’s inauguration speech.  “We the people declare today that the most evident of truth that all of us are created equal — is the star that guides us still; just as it guided our forebears through Seneca Falls and Selma and Stonewall”…Did he actually say Stonewall?…My husband and I turned to one another with great surprise.  But then several seconds later…”Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law, for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal, as well.“  WHAT?!!!

My eyes began to well up as I tried fighting back my tears. Our son looked at me in total confusion. My husband, as much as he could was no longer able to hold his tears any longer.  These were tears of surprise and joy. The tears of finally knowing you’ve been heard, that you’ve been recognized and acknowledged as a human being to the world.  Still appearing confused our son asked me why we were crying? He heard our president’s words yet he didn’t seem to understand our tears.  You see, in his young world of 12 being gay never mattered.  His question gave me hope for the future of this country.  But then, I turned to look at my “New York State legislated” husband and was reminded that our struggle is not over.

“Our journey is not complete…”

 

Ben Suazo works as a marketing and administrative assistant for Gay Parent magazine. Photo courtesy of Ben Suazo.

Every year since 2011, abstract artist Vivian Schepis has created original art for Gay Parent Magazine’s annual holiday card. While Vivian creates the visual, she collaborates with graphic designer Brett Cohen for the type. Both Vivian and Brett also work for Gay Parent Magazine. Each holiday card is published in our end of the year November-December issue. Below is Gay Parent Magazine’s latest holiday card created by Vivian and Brett. To see more of her art, visit Vivian’s Instagram, https://www.instagram.com/vivian_schepisart/ and Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/VivianSchepisArt

By Ben Suazo

 

Took a walk this afternoon to Tiffany’s to meet my partner David to purchase our wedding bands. For several weeks now I have been feeling anxious about this day but not for the reasons one might immediately assume. Two men walking into Tiffany’s shopping for wedding rings. Would they stare? Maybe we would be ignored?  What about all those customers, what would they think? I have been creating and imagining all sorts of things. When I arrived, David was already there. He told me that the wedding section upstairs had some 50 people – all men and women…. straight couples!

I have to admit that I was too busy looking to see if anyone was staring and so was David. Maybe we were being silly, after all, this is “gay marriage” New York? Not surprisingly, we were the only gay men choosing rings…. and as with many instances in our lives, like attending PTA meetings or little league games we are always coming out and the only gay men. They are little courageous steps that challenge us to live freely and be our true selves. It can sometimes be an isolating feeling which only bonds my partner and I even more. Our son will be our ring bearer and I made sure to let the staff know this. It turns out David was feeling the same way.  They were wonderful, by the way and we purchased our wedding bands.  But, one day it will be nice if we didn’t have to have these concerns.

Ben Suazo is Gay Parent magazine’s Marketing and Administrative Assistant.

By Henry Amador

I can still, so vividly, remember the day I received the photo..

It came via text messaging which I quickly turned around and emailed myself in order get a larger look.

 

I opened the image and looked with a mixture of amazement, fear and disbelief.

A few moments later I finally shared it with my Husband.

Look what she sent me, i said..

It’s him..

Ben 5 months old

 

We both spent a few silent moments gazing at the image.

You see we had not even met the woman on the other end of the text,

I had only exchanged a few polite messages with her up until that point.

 

How did we come to receive this photo?

An acquaintance of ours was related to this young woman.

 

She knew we had been trying to grow our family, 

and she also knew her sister had not wanted to grow hers.

 

Rather than play the middle man she asked her sister if she could give us her number,

to which she agreed.

 

I sat with that number for nearly a full day.

You would have thought I would have jumped on it but I didn’t, I sat.

 

What would I say to her?

 

I heard you wanted to give up your baby?

 

What a tiny approach to such a giant thought.

 

Do I bring up the fact that we were two married men now?

What if that crushes our hopes?

What if that idea was unacceptable to her?

 

I was so consumed by all the questions that I just sat there frozen and fearful.

 

Two adjectives that I would have never used to describe myself before that day,

But this situation, this opportunity, had the potential of shaking all the leaves from my tree.

If it worked out, my life, our lives would never be the same.

And it was that very truth that turned me into a scared and still man..

 

I eventually mustered up the cowardly nerve to text her..

I introduced myself..

took a shot at a sincere attempt at understanding how incredibly difficult this decision must be for her.

And thanked her for considering us.
She responded quickly and after a few exchanges asked when we’d like to get together.

Thank God the ice was broken.
I suddenly felt safe behind my phone and asked if it could be soon.
It had dawned on me that if this was going to happen we would have to be proactive and quick.

I already knew she had tried to abort this child…she was too far along.


I also knew she had already reached out to an adoption agency.


If we were going to have a chance at convincing her that we would be the perfect family for her unborn baby we would have very little time to waste.

We agreed to meet at a coffee house the next afternoon.

Would you like to see a picture of him she texted next,
A recent sonogram photo,

I said yes.


*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      * 

And there we were, my Husband and I looking at this little forming stranger who suddenly entered our lives like a cold rush of air though a crack in a window.

In the privacy of our own home, 
without having yet met the woman carrying him,
we were lookin at his photo..

I asked my Husband how he felt?
he was thoughtful and rather quiet and said he wasn’t sure.
I remember I actually said,
what if this is the first time were looking at our son?
What is this is the first of our one million photos of him?

Shouldn’t we be excited?
Happy?
Should we tell anybody?
Should we forward this picture to your mother? 
What if she’s going to be a Grandmother?

But truthfully we weren’t happy, we were too afraid to let happiness in.
And we didn’t share the news,
as a matter of fact there were many people who knew nothing until the day that we brought that 5 pound baby boy home from the hospital.

So many variables with scenarios like this,
so many what ifs between the moment the possibility shows itself,
and the lofty, far away idea of he actually being ours.

What if we can’t afford it?
What if she doesn’t like us?
What if she changes her mind?
What if, God forbid, something happens to the baby?

What if.. what if.. what if..?

We were so lost in the uncertainties that we lost sight of the dream, our dream.

On that now amazing day,
we were indeed looking into our babies face for the very first time.

He soon would be ours..he is ours..

And out of all the millions of pictures we already have in his short 4 months here on Earth,
This first photo,
our first photo will always mean more than you could possibly understand.

Namaste

This is an entry from Henry Amador’s blog DADsquared (http://www.dadsquaredblog.blogspot.com). In addition to blogging Henry is also the owner of Salon Mantra in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.