By Jameel Mayers
When people ask me what fatherhood means, my answer rarely starts with DNA. For me, being a dad has always been about love, choice, and the bonds we build that hold even tighter than most bloodlines. My journey to fatherhood has been filled with unexpected turns, personal challenges, and moments of joy that have permanently shaped my definition of family. It’s a journey, my journey, rooted in an intentional family, a family chosen, fought for, and fiercely protected.
Becoming a dad was not something that came wrapped in tradition or predictability. My husband Nicholas and I knew early on that the path ahead would not resemble the stories told in mainstream parenting books. Yet that difference became our strength. Through adoption, patience, and relentless love, we grew our family in a way that reflects the world we want our children to inherit, but fully recognize that we are all still on a journey to form and shape that world with kids and adults that represent all communities.
It’s been 22 years now since Nicholas and I met in Houston on an online forum. These were the days before the online apps of today, but we were drawn to each other at the right time, in the right place, both seeking a lasting connection beyond fleeting moments. Our first date was magical, ending with us waking on the beach in Galveston, Texas, a storybook moment. It didn’t take long, but we fell in love. Having kids was not on our mind at the time, but when the time came years later, we knew it was for us. Little did we know then that the reality of fatherhood in an LGBTQ family requires paying close attention while raising a child in today’s world as part of a two-dad household, it is equal parts rewarding and complex. Our family doesn’t always fit into people’s preconceived boxes, and that has forced us to become both teachers and protectors. From the first school forms asking for “mother’s name,” to navigating healthcare systems that assumed a traditional parental structure, we learned quickly that our visibility is also advocacy, but the beauty of it all is that our son has grown up in a home where love is the loudest language spoken. Don’t get me wrong. There is never a day that goes by where I am not thinking of ways to ensure my child doesn’t have to experience discrimination based on who his dads are or the need to ensure his friends or adults are all comfortable with our family dynamic before he is put in the line of fire, real life. To our surprise, it has largely been a non-issue. He has great friends with even greater parents. He is proud to be our son, like we are proud to be his dads. He has watched us model what commitment, partnership, and resilience look like. He knows his story, our story, is not something to hide, but something to celebrate with pride.
The adoption process was smoother than most and very direct. Classes, background screening, and mental readiness, were all part of the process right from the start, a process we knew natural made families would never have to experience. Clearly, we didn’t know what to expect, but we quickly learned that not all agencies support LGBTQ+ families and even when they cannot legally come right out and say so, the dog-whistle of “we are looking for Christian families” always made it clear to us over the phone and online that we were not welcome. Undeterred, we were committed to this unknown journey and did ultimately find our tribe and our son. Jacob is now 12 years old having been with us since he was four. It has been a rewarding journey to see him grow, adapt, change, and learn to navigate his social circles. Football, basketball, and video games are his main attractions, but he knows his academics are the keys to his castle.
What surprised me most about fatherhood is how much of it is communal. Family, especially for LGBTQ parents, doesn’t stop at the walls of your home. We lean on family, friends who become aunts and uncles, mentors who step in as guides, and a broader community of parents navigating the same joys and fears. These connections have been lifesaving at times reminding me that we are not alone in the messy parts of parenting, nor in the triumphs worth shouting from the rooftops. Family, found or otherwise, has given us the support system we didn’t even know we needed and reaffirmed the truth that love expands in ways biology never limits.
Knowingly or otherwise, we don’t do it all on our own. We have a community, which led me to launch my podcast, Fathernetics. The name itself blends “father” and “kinetics,” reflecting the energy, science, and sometimes chaos of parenting. I wanted to build a space where dads could share their unfiltered stories, no matter what form their families take. On Fathernetics, we dive into the real stuff, the emotional highs of finally holding your child after years of waiting, the low points of feeling invisible as a gay parent in certain spaces, the laughter over every day parenting fails, and the lessons learned through it all, but never losing sight that we are humans with needs and wants beyond being parents. The goal has always been simple but powerful: to normalize diverse family structures by amplifying them. By interviewing fathers from different backgrounds, single dads, adoptive dads, surrogacy dads, foster dads, and dads in interracial families, we give voice to stories that rarely make it into traditional media. Representation matters, and each episode becomes a reminder that fatherhood cannot be boxed into a single narrative.
As both a dad and a creative, I’ve discovered that the two roles are deeply connected. Parenting requires constant reinvention. Some days it feels like producing a live show where the script changes every five minutes. Other days it’s about quiet observation, listening deeply, and learning when to step back so your child can step forward. I don’t always get it right, but I am showing up, and that is the biggest piece of the pie.
Creativity has been a lifeline in our home. From inventing bedtime stories to designing little rituals that ground our son in love and security, I’ve found that imagination builds bridges where language sometimes fails. My book, Paper Cradles, was born out of a need my husband and I discovered, a need to have more resources available that are geared towards the journey experienced by intended parents, those who would experience the expansion of their families from the LGBTQ perspective. It is a book about our journey through adoption, growth, and fatherhood. Similarly, my podcast was born from this same creative impulse to craft narratives that both children and parents can hold onto, knowing other families like their, like ours, exist.
Fatherhood has also sharpened my sense of responsibility beyond my immediate family. When I look at my son, I think about the world he will inherit. Will it be a world that recognizes the legitimacy of families like ours? Will he be safe to love freely, to walk into schools and workplaces without the burden of hiding?
Every story I tell, whether on the podcast, in my books, or in spaces like this magazine, is part of that larger responsibility. Visibility is not just for us. It’s for the kids who need to see that their family is valid. It’s for the dads who are quietly wondering if they belong. It’s for the allies who want to understand how to show up better.
If fatherhood has taught me anything, it’s humility. You never fully “arrive” as a parent. You adapt, you stumble, and you try again. Some days I feel like I’m winning, and others I feel like I’m barely holding it together. But again, in the end, what matters is showing up consistently with love. Every time another dad shares his journey on Fathernetics, it affirms the idea that our stories are not just personal, they are cultural. They shift perceptions, create empathy, and open doors for the next family to walk through with less resistance.
If this story resonates with you, I’d love to keep the conversation going. You can find me sharing more about fatherhood, adoption, and family life on Instagram @fathernetics, and join the growing community on YouTube at youtube.com/@fathernetics. Every follow, share, and comment helps build a space where diverse families are seen.
Jameel Mayers is a husband, father, and creator based in Phoenix, Arizona. He and his husband, Nicholas, have been together for 22 years and are proud parents to their 12-year-old son, Jacob, through adoption. Jameel is the host of Fathernetics, a podcast and community project that uplifts stories of fatherhood, adoption, surrogacy, and modern queer family life. He is also the author of two books, Elysium and Paper Cradles, both inspired by his journey of family, identity, and love. Photo courtesy of Jameel Mayers.
The article was first published in Gay Parent Magazine’s November-December 2025 issue #163. Read our current issues free by clicking on the large covers on our homepage, https://gayparentmag.com/. Read past issues posted on our social media.
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